Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
