I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
love makes seman taste better
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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