He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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