That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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