thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
try to milk me bitch
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