my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
