I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
