my phone needs a breathalizer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
