yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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