I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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