she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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