so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
