Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
