I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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