question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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