I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
