You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
