I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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