youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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