just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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