Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I fill condoms, not promises.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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