Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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