I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
