Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
