i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
