I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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