i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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