franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
