ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
