I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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