I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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