so let's talk penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
