How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
