I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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