she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
