I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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