How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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