hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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