last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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