I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
