I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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