they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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