Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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