I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
this is an emotional support booty call
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
