life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
