I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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