I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
