my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
