then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
