I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
