I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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