All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
