I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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