I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
