The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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