The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
