dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
