Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
