I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
