Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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