my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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