Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
