How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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