i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he puts the penis in happiness.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
